I Have Strong Feelings Of Affection For You
by rikalynch
Summary: "Yeah, pretty awesome, isn't it, Sam?" Dean said and looked at his fingernails. "Me and Cas are together!" He sighed. Dean/Castiel


"Yeah, pretty awesome, isn't it, Sam?" Dean said and looked at his fingernails. "Me and Cas are together!" He sighed. "No, that won't work either. Sam, I'm banging that hot piece of angel ass. No, don't wanna lie… Sam, I'm gay. Yeah, I know, right? Dean Winchester, the hottest man on the planet, going out with another guy?"

He smacked his palm to his forehead and sighed.

"Why can't this just be easier?" He asked himself, expecting the mirror to give him an answer.

Of course, he knew that nothing in life was easy. He learned more to that lesson than he needed when Castiel, bloodied and beaten, had shown up in their motel room. _"Dean?" He had asked. "How did I get here?" _

"_I was just about to ask you the same thing," Dean had said, watching as Castiel tried to get up, and almost fell. Dean caught him and steadied him, and walked him over to the bed. "Watch yourself… What the hell happened, Cas?"_

_I… I honestly do not remember, Castiel had admitted. At that time, Dean noticed that the blood on the front of Cas's shirt was starting to increase in size slowly. _

"_Cas, you're bleeding." Dean said. _

_Dean's stomach sunk when Cas looked down at the blood, nodded and said, "I know. Dean, I think I may be… Human?" _

A small tap on the door snapped him back into reality.

"Yeah?" He called out, and smiled when Castiel opened the door, his tie off. "Hey, Cas, what is it?"

Castiel chuckled and moved towards Dean, grabbing the small of his back and pulling him close. Cas kissed him softly on the lips, meaning to pull away, but Dean hugged him tight, smiling. Dean pulled his lips away from Castiel's and rested his head on the angel's shoulder.

"How did you sleep?" Dean asked, and Cas looked down at Dean's chest.

"I didn't sleep last night, Dean." Castiel half-smiled.

"Why not?" Dean asked, worried.

"I was just…" Cas looked at the ceiling. "Thinking."

"About?" Dean pulled away from Castiel and led them over to the bed they shared… Well as far as Sam was concerned, it was just Dean's.

"You, Dean. Us. I'm worried. You seem afraid to tell anyone how you feel about us being together. I know that you are scared Sam will not accept our relationship but it is something you have to take a risk for. What if he does accept it?" Castiel said, barely above a whisper.

"What if he _doesn't_?" Dean frowned as he said the last word.

"I told you, it is a risk we will have to take." Castiel sat on the bed and sighed.

"I'm not taking that risk, god damn it! I know he won't accept us, Castiel. I've always been the older brother, that fucks every single female in sight, can't commit to anything and prefers to be alone most of the time, and now I'm the guy who has a committed boyfriend that he…" Dean stopped before he could say it. He looked at Castiel, who had an eyebrow raised.

"You what, Dean?" Castiel said.

"I uh… Look, Cas, this is kinda hard on me right now, okay?" Dean sat down next to Castiel and kissed his forehead.

Dean could hear the rumble of the Impala's engine outside the door, and he stood up.

"Are we going to tell him?" Castiel swallowed and stared at his feet.

"Not today, Cas, I'm not ready." Dean sighed and turned to his bag, grabbing his knife and twirling it around anxiously.

"Not ready for what?" Sam asked as he walked in with bags of food, placing them on the table. "Dean?"

"It's nothing, Sam. We have any beer?"

"That is one thing I didn't get. Sorry, man." Sam said and sat down at the table, with a salad in front of him.

"It's alright, Cas and I will go grab some. Cas?" Dean said while putting his jacket on. Dean picked up the keys from the nightstand and waited for Castiel. Cas followed him outside and sat next to him in the Impala.

"Dean, I…"

"Save it Cas. I don't understand why you want Sam to know so damn much?" Dean snapped.

Castiel felt small. He stared out his window, and muttered, "Because, I want you to prove you really love me."

Dean pulled the car over and put his hand on Castiel's face. "Cas, is that all you're worried about? Me not loving you?" Castiel looked out the window again. "Cas?"

"Dean, I'm worried that… That you'll find someone better than me, and you'll leave me. I don't want to see that happen, and I figure… If you can prove to me that you really love me, I won't have such a hard time with that."

Dean put his hand on Cas's chin and turned his face, heart breaking a little when he saw a tear escape from Castiel's right eye down his cheek, slowing down near his stubble. He kissed the tear away and whispered, "it's not that I don't love you, Cas…"

"You just don't know if you're ready to commit?" Castiel closed his eyes.

"I am ready to commit, Castiel!"

"Then what is it? You're not ready to say you love me?" Castiel looked hurt, his ocean blues glimmering with tears again.

"Yes. Castiel, I honestly wish I could…" Dean frowned and started to drive again.

"Just say it, Dean." Castiel pressed and put his head on the window, sighing.

"Every time I get close to someone, they get hurt. The last time I ever told someone I loved them… I was four, Castiel. I told my mom. Look where that left me." Dean sighed and pulled into the parking lot. "So yes, I have strong feelings of affection for you, but I can't say it." Dean got out of the car.

"Oh." Castiel muttered and opened his door.

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean walked into the store, not waiting for Castiel. Cas slammed the door and followed Dean inside, catching up to him. They located the beer in silence, and Castiel sighed audibly. "What?" Dean asked.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick, Dean…"

"Save it." Dean said and walked up to the counter, placing the case on the counter. The cashier looked at the two men and twirled her necklace around, scanning it.

"Twenty-nine eighty-three," She muttered and waited for Dean to dig the money out of his wallet. He pulled out a twenty and a ten and handed it to her, and shoved his wallet back into his pocket, grabbing the case. He walked out and placed the beer on the seat next to him and sat down in the driver's seat.

Dean drove away and put a random cassette tape in. He smiled to hear that it was a Metallica tape. He sang along quietly on the road back to the motel. When they arrived, Dean grabbed the beer and brought it inside. Cas followed silently and went into the bathroom as soon as they got there. Dean sighed and looked to the door, and frowned when he heard water running.

Dean put the beer on the table next to Sammy and opened one. Sam handed him his slightly cold cheeseburger and Dean sat down and bit into it. Sam took the case of beer and unloaded it into the fridge, and sat back down next to Dean, opening one.

Dean glanced at the bathroom door and then looked back at his burger. He sighed and put it on the table.

"Dean…" Sam said. "Are you… When're you gonna admit to yourself that you like the dude?"

Dean almost choked on his beer. "Excuse me?"

"Come on, man, the awkward silence when I enter the room, the long stares, dreamy gazes, you sit too close to each other all the time…" Sam said. Dean looked at Sam and smiled. He took a sip of his beer and started to laugh.

"What?" Sam said. Dean smiled again.

"Nothing." Dean looked over to the bathroom door when he heard it open, and Cas cleared his throat. Castiel was only wearing a pair of jeans and socks, which made Dean chuckle. Dean walked up to Cas and cupped his face in his hands, kissing him. Castiel closed his eyes and smiled into the kiss. Dean pulled away.

Shocked, Sam said, "so I was right?"

"Damn straight." Dean said and kissed Castiel again.

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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